Hypocritical Circular Rants

Recent family drama has made me get really pissed off about religion, hypocrites and mooches. If I ever get worked up about something, it always, without fail leads to a discussion or just a venting rampage about the miserable lack of sexual health intelligence out there.

I have been caught in the middle of intense and emotional family drama. In a nut shelll two of my relatives are total hypocritcal assholes that have yet to visit my grandmother in her retirement home after spending 3 weeks in a hosptial recovering from a stroke. One visited in the hospital, but has since ceased. And oh yeah he lived in her house, jobless, for free for 3 years and still hasn't moved out. My 2nd relative came to hospital once to pray and that is it. Both are extremely close by and have no jobs. So I am simply disgusted and appalled I know these people, let alone are related to them. I wish I wasn't. All they really care about is getting their part of the inheritance.

Being faced with such blatant hypocrisy makes me feel sick to my stomach. Both are religious, one a "hardcore Catholic" they other a "monte chrisna??spelling??" The "hardcore" Catholic has a holier than now smugness and definitely does not practice what she preaches. So I guess in her world, 80something year old mothers who are generous and kind and also Catholic still don't deserve a visit from her "perfect" Catholic daughter? WHATEVER.

This causes my rage to flow through my veins and I start ranting and raving about how much evil and bullshit and fucking assholery there is in the world. Such blatant hypocrisy makes me want to jump off a cliff and not be a part of this twisted existence. This causes intense depression also.

I have always cared about so many things. So many things I feel powerless to do anything about. I try to just stick with one passion and roll with it.. but the "problems of society" follow me around like a gray cloud that I cannot shake off. Sometimes I get envious of those who can ignore things and act apathetic about everything. But then just thinking that perhaps I am jealous makes me feel guilty and just horrible. Because apathy just sickens me.

I always end up focusing on sexual & reproductive issues that simply plague my brain daily.. hourly even. I lived in a small town once for a year and a half about. Everyone was "religious". I put the " because I think most people just say they are religious and really have an apathetic view towards it, which is fine, but stop being such a liar. Every year someone would get pregnant, sometimes more than 1 girl. I think there was one year where 4 got pregnant or something? They always get married.. well pretty damn close to always. I remember seeing this young couple, girl pregnant, and they were Catholic and getting married. The look on their faces, I'll never forget.. just boredom, sadness... unexcitement? Odd thing is my sister told me they are having a 2nd kid now. I guess they STILL CAN'T use condoms.. DAMN if only they were asexual.

Oh yeah and when all these girls were getting pregnant, no one said or did anything. I was called a prude for saying something as ridiculous as "use condoms when you have sex". All of these pregnancies were seen as just "one time weaknesses to the wills of Satan" or some other ridiculous shit. Perhaps the "innocent, virgin girl" was poisoned by the evil boy from out of town... who knows. All a crock of hypocritical shit basically.

However, you can't say that. You can't talk about it. No one will listen and no one cares. Jesus is on their side and has a plan for them, thats it. Whatever. Most of these young mothers seem super happy and excited to have kids and raise them and to get married. I can't help but think they are just lying to themselves so they won't be crushed by a crippling depression of how the hell they ended up in this position with no options except have the baby. Because there is no way thier parents are going to discuss or allow another option. These same people also do not want sexual education taught in schools of course or condoms and birth control to be used or available to teens. These small town couples are seen as smart, cute and they just made a mistake. However, if you hear about a city girl getting knocked up, she is stupid, a trashy slut and of course not religious or even white for that matter. Racism was always there, even if it was subtle. I am just so thankful I was there for a short amount of time. Don't know how I would have survived.

It seems everytime I am on facebook, some old acquaintance is either getting married or having a baby. People from high school or college. Its like everyone is. What the hell. Then I finally can maybe feel a little smug. Like I'm free and single!!! But then that comes with its own stereotypes. I must be miserable. I haven't found the "RIGHT" one. I really want to get married and have kids I am just lying to myself.

Sex is everywhere people. On Beyonces new Video Phone video, in the billion dollar pornography market. Here is an idea lets take 1% of porn profits and put that into public schools sexual health education. Every school in the country could have thriving programs in what 10 days? I mean that seems like an exaggeration, but I know porn makes money. We are all here because of sex. I don't want to be insenstive to rape or incest. Also there are "test tube" babies or sperm donors and such. But c'mon people we are all here because people just love getting it on, and why shouldn't we. It is awesome.

What isn't awesome is all the unwanted pregnancies, all the STDs, all the unwanted abortions, HIV/AIDS, stereotypes, stigma, lack of education and knowledge... and people who shouldn't be having kids having a whole shitload. I realize that last one is very subjective. But there are vicious cycles of poverty everywhere that lead to the poorer populations having more kids. Yet, we don't prioritize education and healthcare. Rich politicians don't care because their kids are in private schools. I honestly hope we can make some changes or something because I feel like we will turn into that movie "Idiocracy". Apathy is breeding more apathy. People are turning a deaf ear, checking out because honestly what is the point? We are all going to die, who fucking cares? Its hopeless. Communities that are rife with drugs, underage prostitution, failing schools.. they don't get any money. No one cares about those places. People simply say "if they really wanted to move out, they would". Like its so easy. That baffles me. People think they are so damn smart and they can't see how ridiculous that sounds. Just like the old "just leave your abusive husband" line. Its so damn easy to say this shit when you have not experienced poverty, hunger, abuse, drug addicted family members or drugs all around you.... an unwanted pregnancy and no one has any money to do anything about it. If only someone could have bought a condom or told them where to get free ones... I have to stop before I start ranting even more. So who fucking cares.....

I DO.