sexual pleasure
If the sex that you're having is really about you and your partner-- if it's an expression of who you both are, what your relationship is, and how you feel about each other and if it's what you both want and feel ready for, it's special.
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If all we do with a partner is what feels good to us and what we want, and deny that partner everything which could feel good to them, we're not really having partnered sex: we're using that partner as a masturbation aid, and that's not cool.
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