During my senior year of college, I founded the campus organization Students for Reproductive Justice (a chapter of Choice USA). We were really concerned about the crisis pregnancy center and its presence on our campus. One woman experienced firsthand a disturbing visit her freshman year when she thought she was pregnant. The CPC advertised free pregnancy testing, so the student made an appointment. While she waited for her test results, a staff member read her passages from the Bible. The whole experience felt very odd to her.
We decided to go "undercover" and check it out. Pretending to be scared that I was pregnant, I made an appointment at the CPC and dragged my best friend with me. While she sat in the waiting room surrounded by baby toys and parenting magazines, I was brought to an office full of pictures of the fetus as it grows during a pregnancy and anti-choice propaganda. I couldn't believe the blatant disregard for the feelings of the young women who came there. How can one possibly make the best choice when one option is everywhere she looks? One negative pregnancy test later and an Oscar-worthy performance of relief from me, and I was on my way out with a bunch of pamphlets on abstinence.
Our group decided that we had to combat the deceptive and manipulative work of the CPC. They were targeting women who were vulnerable. These are women who are out of their comfort zone and away from home. Many don't have cars and cannot travel far from campus. And because we were college students, we didn't have a lot of extra money, especially to spend on pregnancy tests. The CPC knew exactly what it was doing.
Our fellow students needed to know the places they could go to for reproductive health. Many students come to college having never seen a gynecologist and don't even know where to go for one. We thought, how awesome would it be to have a comprehensive and non-biased directory for all kinds of reproductive health services? So that's exactly what we did. The Students for Reproductive Justice spent an entire semester researching services and compiling a "Reproductive Health Services Directory" that included:
And because we truly wanted it to be complete and comprehensive, we even included the crisis pregnancy center under the category "Anti-Choice Pregnancy Center/Free Pregnancy Testing."
Crisis pregnancy centers establish themselves as a resource. Many women, especially young women, do not know where to go when they need reproductive health care. If they only see a sign for a crisis pregnancy center, they will probably end up there, not knowing the biased information waiting for them.
That is why it is so critical that we not only provide places for young people to go to for reproductive health services, but that we make them known and accessible. For example, at Planned Parenthood of Metropolitan Washington, DC, we have a youth clinic where teens can get free services in a confidential and safe environment. I'm so grateful that these young people found their way to Planned Parenthood and not a crisis pregnancy center by mistake.
Looking at the website for the CPC at my university, I have to laugh when I read their slogan: "You Have More Choices Than You Think..."
We sure do. Young women deserve unbiased care and should not be manipulated. Thank goodness we DO have more choices than the crisis pregnancy centers and the "choice" they force on young women everyday.
]]>Governor Napolitano plans to let the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services know that Arizona will reject this money unless the government removes the current restrictions and allows other sexual education topics to be taught.
Jeanine L'Ecuyer, Governor Napolitano's spokeswoman, explains the reasoning behind the decision:
"With the restrictions, unfortunately we're not able to give kids all the information they need. If you teach abstinence-only, you can't teach birth control and other information they need."
Arizona is joining a nationwide trend to reject Title V federal funding for abstinence-only programs. Planned Parenthood, along with numerous other groups throughout the nation, are urging states to reject this money and this proven-ineffective program. Whether it's a study that proves it or the stories of countless uninformed American teenagers who experience unintended pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections- the results are not open to interpretation: Abstinence-only sexual education does not work and it is definitely not a one-size-fits-all solution for our youth.
States throughout the country have come out against these programs and affirmed that their youth need comprehensive sexual education that includes contraceptive methods, sexually transmitted infection prevention, and medically accurate information.
Whether it's Virginia in the South, Massachusetts in the North, Minnesota in the Midwest, California in the West, or now Arizona in the Southwest, state governments and Americans throughout the country are uniting on this issue. The message is clear: help us protect our youth and give them the information they need to be safe and responsible.
]]>But I'm a realist. I have a sneaking suspicion that even in this perfect world of mine, there may still be issues. Even with the comprehensive sexual education we are so desperately fighting to implement, there may still be problems. I know this because of my real-life experiences with this issue and youth.
I can tell you right now what the two issues will still be.
1. Our youth are becoming sexually active younger and younger. I've worked with sixth graders who are already sexually active. They began with oral sex in fourth grade and are now having vaginal intercourse. They're not having safe sex because most of them don't know what the phrase "safe sex" means. In many areas of our country, that lesson, if they have it at all, doesn't come until high school. So when should we start teaching how to put on a condom? At the point we're at now, we should be doing it in elementary school.
It's bad enough we have high school girls performing oral sex on guys without protection or caution, but now we have it more and more in middle school and even elementary school.
That's not okay with me. I consider myself a sex-positive person and I truly do not care whether someone is sexually active or not. But I do care when it involves children and young people who are not equipped with the knowledge to protect themselves.
I hate the idea that middle school students are having sex. But what I hate even more is that we aren't helping them be safe about it because we think they're too young.
If our fourth graders are participating in oral sex, we have no choice but to teach them how to be safe. But we also need to figure out what is driving this trend and how to stop it. Our children deserve better. We need to fix this issue before we're forced to teach every eight-year old how to put on a condom.
2. Even with the best sexual education, they still may not listen.
We always have to remember that we're working with young people here: invincible and care free young people.
You can tell them to wear a seatbelt. You can tell them to not drink and drive. You can tell them to wear condoms. But sometimes, they just do not listen.
And we can't judge them because we've all been there. We all have been in that state of mind where nothing bad can happen and that the tragic stories on the news happen to "other people," not us.
I ask the high school sophomores I have taught why students their age aren't wearing condoms. No matter how many times I pose this question or how many different people I ask, I get the same answers every single time.
1. Condoms don't feel as good.
2. We're embarrassed to buy them.
3. They're inconvenient and ruin the moment.
4. They're drunk at the time and decide not to wear one.
We go through all of the reasons together as a group and I try to show them what the solutions are to these "reasons/excuses." They know they need to use condoms but some of them will still refuse. They tell me they'll take their chances.
And when I even bring up using flavored condoms for oral sex on a male, the laughter and rolling eyes begin.
So what do we do? We already know that abstinence-only education is completely useless. We also know that comprehensive and accurate sexual education does work for many of our youth. Unfortunately, we can't even begin to fully measure the success or failures of it because not every American student is getting that education.
How can we move forward and figure out what else we need to add to sexual education if we still have people fighting to go backwards? Abstinence-only education sets our youth back and it sets back our efforts to help them.
None of us ever said comprehensive sexual education is perfect. There will be kinks to work out and gaps to fill. But we can't even begin to think about that because we're still fighting to implement it in all our states and schools. We're too busy trying to help the children and youth our country has already failed.
Remember sex-ed in high school? The young people from around the country who’ve submitted their videos to our Fresh Focus: Sex Ed Digital Video Contest do! And they have a lot to say on the subject! From artistically breath-taking to just plain hilarious, these videos tell the individual and collective stories of young people about the sexuality education they’ve had, the sex-ed they wish they’d had or the way they envision sex-ed for the future!
Starting today, each day we’ll feature one or two of the top ten video in a blogpost on our site. All you need to do is VOTE for your top THREE favorites!!
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But we have to do it. If we're ever going to get past the awkwardness, we have to start practicing open and honest conversation.
Many have objected to comprehensive and accurate sexual education in schools because they believe sex education is the parents' role and not the responsibility of the "state." I believe it's the role of both. I would be ecstatic if the students I work with were talking to their parents and learning about birth control and HIV/AIDS from them first. We need to encourage parents to speak with their children about both abstinence and safe sex. Many parents out there want to do this, they just don't know how or the best way to go about it.
I've taught workshops with many parents on how to talk to their kids about sex. Many believe the use of "scare tactics" is the best method. They think if they threaten to kick their daughter out of the house if she gets pregnant, she will not have sex. I'm always getting requests from teachers to bring in the "scary pictures" of sexually transmitted infections. Many adults believe if teens see pictures of herpes and warts, they'll be so disgusted they won't have sex.
Unfortunately, the fear factor isn't very influential in young people. It may have worked with older generations, but our current youth have been overwhelmed their whole lives with threats of what will happen if they smoke cigarettes, if they drink alcohol, if they drive too fast, if they have sex, etc. They've seen the pictures of black lungs and they've seen the crumpled car as a result of drunk driving. They're desensitized to the fear because they've seen it so much. For that same reason, a picture of a vagina covered in genital warts will definitely gross them out, but it won't deter them.
Instead, as reported by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, our youth want to be told why teen pregnancy is such a bad idea. Will they have to drop out of school? How much money will this cost every month? They also say that solely preaching abstinence and just telling them not to have sex is not enough. They've heard this already, probably about a million times to be exact. Also, just because your teen asks you about birth control or sexually transmitted infections does not mean he or she is having sex. Many times the teen is just curious and wants to hear your answer. Instead of getting upset at the question, be thankful they feel comfortable enough to ask you.
So how do we talk to teens? What is the best way? Before you even approach your child:
The best way to have "The Talk" is to instead have "the talks." Have them early and often. Start communicating when your children are young, so that they grow up knowing they can come to you. I'm not telling you to explain Syphilis to your toddler; you can determine what is appropriate for different age levels. But the more "talks" you have, the less awkward it will be.
Don't be afraid to give your opinion to your child. If you think he or she is too young to have sex, say it. They may not admit it, but teens value their parents' opinions. They may not agree and they may not follow it, but it's important for them to know where their parents stand on these issues.
This may seem obvious to some, but speak with your sons too. Many times we speak with the girls about not getting pregnant and abstaining from sex. A lot of parents just assume their teenage sons will have sex and there's nothing they can do about it. Young men need sexual education and communication as much as the women do.
Most importantly, give your teens other options. Get them involved with sports or clubs. Help them find something they love and that interests them. If a teen can see better options for their future than early pregnancy, they have a better chance of either abstaining or practicing safe sex. Show them how much potential they have and how much they have to offer through other channels than parenthood.
And as always, honesty is the best policy. Be open with your children and try to not judge too quickly. If the conversation is really awkward for you, tell them. Chances are they are feeling it too. And be proud of yourself. By having these conversations with your children, you're a step ahead of a lot of parents around you.
]]>Want to hear from a reproductive health advocate who has walked the talk on sexuality education as a parent to her teen daughter? Read Tamar Abrams's post, "Bringing Comprehensive Sex Ed Home."
As part of an effort to reduce a budget shortfall, the decision was made because the governor wants to see both evidence-based education that teaches both abstinence and contraceptive use. Delacey Skinner, Kaine's communications director, told the Washington Post that "the governor supports abstinence-based education, but the governor wants to see us funding programs that are evidenced-based." Skinner added that Virginia will now offer "more comprehensive" sex education.
While this decision only affects outfits that offer federally-funded sex education curricula, it sends a strong message to other states Virginia is willing to take a stand against a policy that has been proven ineffective, if not harmful, over and over again.
This is a huge step in the right direction for Virginia. We finally have leaders who are truly looking out for our youth and are not afraid to make some changes.
As a product of abstinence-only education in Virginia and a teacher of sexual education to students in Washington, D.C., Maryland, and Virginia, I can assure you that Governor Kaine's decision could not come faster.
As I've noted in other posts, students nationwide are lacking the necessary information needed to protect themselves from teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. It has been irresponsible to deny them the education they deserve and that fellow students in other states receive. I can't wait for Virginia's students to start the new sexual education curriculum and I look forward to seeing declines in our teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections rates as a result.
Recently, Colorado and Minnesota, too, rejected abstinence-only funding (though RH Reality Check correspondent Wendy Norris discovered that Colorado's decline may have been more connected to logistics than principles). Virginia is now the fourteenth state to reject abstinence-only funding. I am so proud that we're finally moving in the right direction. Let's hope this (former) red state will set an example for other states who have yet to move forward.
]]>First, let's look at it this way: what do you do when something is wrong with your computer and you don't know the right way to fix it? Do you sit around and wait for someone to teach you? Not usually. You do one of two options. You fool around with the control panel and all those buttons that don't make sense and try to figure it out. Or you look up the information yourself online or call a friend and see if they know.
So if young people don't know about sex or how to have safe sex, what are they going to do? They're going to start fooling around or experimenting and see what they can figure out. Or they're going to talk to their friends and see if they have "reliable" information.
Trust me, if we're not there giving the right information, they're not getting it and they're not waiting for it.
Here are some of the recent questions I've had from students.
From a 12-year-old young woman already sexually active: "Wait, there's three ‘holes'?"
You would not believe how many young women and men I meet that do not know the female body has a urethra, a vagina, and an anus. They think you urinate, have your period, and have sex with one hole. These are people having sex who do not even know where the penis is going. Why is this happening? Maybe it has to do with the fact that most Americans are too embarrassed to even say the word "vagina," let alone teach a young girl that she has one.
From a college student at a prestigious university:
"Can I get pregnant from swallowing semen?"
A 21 year-old sexually active woman honestly does not know if she can get from swallowing semen during oral sex. How is this happening? And, in case other people are wondering -- and I have a feeling a lot of people are wondering -- no, you cannot get pregnant from swallowing semen. The semen has to be in or near your vagina in order for pregnancy to occur.
From a middle-aged high school teacher:
"You can get HIV from saliva right?"
No! HIV is transmitted through four liquids: blood, semen, vaginal fluids, and breast milk. It is not in saliva, sweat, tears, snot, or urine. Many students do not even know how to avoid HIV anymore because they are so damn confused about how it is transmitted.
What I see everyday is an extreme lack of basic knowledge concerning reproductive anatomy and functions and both pregnancy and HIV prevention. And it's not just with our youth. Many adults do not know this information either. How can Americans be expected to protect themselves and avoid risky behavior if they do not have the proper foundation of sexual education? How can we teach our youth if we don't know the information ourselves? I've said it before and I will say it again. We are failing our young people.
What are young people learning? What are these federally-funded abstinence only programs really saying? Here are some of my personal favorites, which you can find at SIECUS on their "In Their Own Words" fact sheet.
And my all time favorite:
Instead of teaching basic sexual education and prevention methods, we are lying, sacrificing necessary information for the sake of "morality," and perpetuating gender stereotypes.
And we wonder why our young people are getting pregnant and contracting sexually transmitted infections. Look -- I hate the fact that some 12-year-old students are having sex. And I cringe inside when a young man in middle school tells me he received oral sex for the first time in fourth grade. But I also know that hiding the facts from them is not the solution. To withhold information from our youth that could prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections is nothing short of dangerous and immoral.
]]>From the 10th grade boy grinning mischievously in the back row: "What happens if boys take birth control pills?"
From my friends and family: "Isn't it awkward talking about sex in front of teenagers?"
My answer? Honestly, I rarely feel awkward. There's no time to feel awkward. Teenagers are contracting sexually transmitted infections every day. Right now a 16-year-old girl is nervously buying a pregnancy test and figuring out what the hell she's going to tell her parents. Every Friday night, countless teenagers have unprotected sex. I teach sexual education because I care about other young people. They rely on us - trusted adults, teachers, and friends - to provide accurate sexual education and they deserve nothing less.
I care so much because I know firsthand what it's like to grow up without it. I went to high school in Virginia (graduating only four short years ago) and my county didn't understand the concept of comprehensive sex-ed. I was clueless about sex, mainly because I missed the sex video in fifth grade due to a family trip to Disney World. While I was eating breakfast with Mickey Mouse, my classmates learned that penises go into vaginas and that sex wasn't an option until you were married.
I was present for the sex-ed lessons in sixth and ninth grades. Not that they were all that informative. I remember two things: index cards and disgusting pictures. We wrote down questions on the cards that our sixth grade science teacher answered - but only the ones about puberty. Ninth grade health class was even better. We got to see some really lovely pictures of herpes, warts, and penises falling off from syphilis. I promise you - I am not exaggerating.
In eighth grade, my school invited the True Love Waits organization into our cafeteria. During lunch one day my friends and I vowed not to have sex until marriage even though we really didn't know what it was. I finally learned the truth that same year during a horribly embarrassing conversation with my friends that they still love to tease me about.
By the time I was 16, I had promised a stranger I wouldn't "do it" until marriage and was terrified of getting genital herpes. These were my first experiences thinking and talking about sex.
In high school, it seemed that everyone was having sex and a lot of people weren't using condoms. We didn't know better. We weren't told how to have safer sex; we were simply told to NOT have sex. I graduated from high school in 2003.
The scariest part is that many students, like my friends and I, went to college with limited knowledge of our sexual health or how to prevent pregnancy and disease. We entered a world full of partying and hook-ups unprepared. Many of us never got tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) because we were afraid. Nobody wanted to be "tainted." The schools may not have scared us out of having sex, but they sure scared us from talking about it to our doctors, parents and sexual partners.
Four years later, I - a product of abstinence-only education and a much more enlightened college graduate - am now the one standing in front of high school students teaching them what I wish I had learned in middle and high school from teachers and other responsible adults. I was fortunate to connect with groups like Choice USA in college, because not only did I learn answers to all those questions I could never ask, but I also became a resource for my friends and peers so they could do the same.
Now I teach sexual education in Montgomery County, Maryland, a district that endured a lot of controversy when they implemented a comprehensive sex-ed program. I bring in examples of birth control methods like the pill, condoms, the Nuva Ring, and others. Instead of scaring them with STIs, I emphasize the importance of getting tested and treated. And yes, of course I talk to them about abstinence. But I don't tell them to wait until marriage. I encourage them to wait until they are mature enough to be responsible and healthy.
Today's students are smart; as a society we don't give young people enough credit. They don't run out and have sex simply because they have seen a condom. They listen carefully and ask thoughtful questions. Students have faith in what we tell them and trust us to give accurate information so it's our job to do it. It's time society put some faith back in our young people and gives them realistic sexual education. They won't let us down.
And as for the first question: No, guys will not grow breasts if they take a few birth control pills. And yes, they really ask that. (Every. Single. Time.)
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