This year for Mother's Day Backline is celebrating all courageous acts of motherhood, recognizing that women all over the world are connected by the experiences of managing, anticipating, rejoicing in or avidly avoiding pregnancy. We hear about these courageous acts every single day on our nationwide Talk Line, and we remind every person who calls us that motherhood is an experience comprised of many different, often difficult, decisions, some of which are readily supported by our culture but many more of which are shrouded in shame and stigma.
We tell callers that "there are not women who have abortions and women who have babies," but that "these are the same women at different points in their lives," and we hear these words resonate with those whose decision to have an abortion is at odds with their lifelong desire to be a mother. We share the statistic that about 60% of women having an abortion already have one or more children, and we hear our callers' surprise at the fact that they are not alone in welcoming one pregnancy while having to say no to another.
We support women who want desperately to parent, even when their age, income level, marital status or sexual orientation puts them outside the norm of "traditional" parenting. We talk to women who are making or have made adoption plans, and affirm that choosing a family to adopt a child does not make one any less of a mother. Through all of these conversations, we recognize pregnancy and parenting as a journey, as not just one choice but many choices.
Within our movement, Backline stands as the organization that speaks to the continuums of women's reproductive experiences that are reflected in these courageous acts - we do not just offer options counseling, but support women throughout their pregnancy experience; we do not consider women post-abortion, but see abortion as just one piece of a woman's story; and we do not divide women who are mothers and women who are not, but encourage all women to nurture that which makes them strong and whole, whether it be family or self or education or career or spirituality or all of these things at different times in their lives.
This Mother's Day, Backline calls upon all advocates of reproductive justice to consider what it would look like to truly support women in all their pregnancy choices. To dream about a world in which all women have access to effective contraception and safe abortion, respectful open adoption services, universal health care, support for labor both in and out-of-hospital, and resources for the hard day-to-day work of raising a healthy, happy child. We ask that just as we seek for every child to be wanted and loved, we work towards the goal of supporting, and de-stigmatizing, every woman and mother in her reproductive choices. This vision is not only essential to creating a true reproductive justice agenda, but is equally vital to defining the way in which we treat the women and mothers in our communities and in our lives. This Mother's Day, move beyond brunch to acknowledge the courageous acts of all women, and wake up Monday morning ready to work toward a world in which pregnancy, parenting, abortion and adoption choices are discussed openly, honored appropriately, and supported fully and equally.
Thank goodness for the Abortion Conversation Project. Since 2005, ACP has hosted Regional Conversations across the country that have brought together activists, providers, clergy, students, educators, midwives, adoption professionals, and other pro-choice individuals to explore values, address challenges, and build alliances that will work to reduce stigma around abortion at the local and national level.
The most recent conversation took place on May 20th in Portland, Oregon, and the forty-plus participants spent the day engaged in a rich dialogue about the deepest and most complex elements of abortion and reproductive justice. We asked questions like:
When does life begin?
How can I talk about motherhood and abortion as part of the same issue?
What do I do when my 10-year-old godson asks me what ‘abortion' means?
How do I talk about the wide range of feelings women may have after an abortion?
I never know what to say when anti-abortion opponents talk about religion.
Can I still be pro-choice if some aspects of abortion make me uncomfortable?
Those of us who work in this movement and who advocate for reproductive justice are often so busy fighting endless legislative battles and taking care of the many women that need our help that we rarely stop to make time to explore questions such as those above. The Northwest Abortion Conversation (NWAC) offered the opportunity for those from diverse areas of the movement, as well as those with many years experience and those who were very new to the work, the chance to ask questions of one another and practice new ways of talking about abortion with patients, friends and family, and the constituents we are all trying to reach. The morning was spent learning from each another (What is a ‘doula'? What's it like to work inside an abortion clinic? Do legislators really listen when I write or call them?) and exploring some hard questions surrounding our work (What is our movement doing to support women who WANT to have children? How do you feel when women who claim to be ‘pro-life' come to you for an abortion? What role can men play in this movement?).
Following a lunchtime plenary by ACP Board Member Krista Jacob, whose recently released anthology Abortion Under Attack: Women on the Challenges Facing Choice includes essays addressing many of these topics, we spent the afternoon talking about our unique niches in the movement, breaking into groups of interest chosen by the NWAC participants. These groups included birth choices, language and messaging, activists and advocates, abortion providers, counselors, and direct service providers. Among those who identified with each group, the discussion focused on the strengths they offered the reproductive justice movement, the issues of highest priority, and the one thing they felt was most important for others in the room to know about them. The frankness with which each group presented their strengths and challenges, as well as their dreams and frustrations for their work, was educational and inspiring, and allowed everyone present to delve into the chasms and bridges that exist in our movement and the amazing opportunities we have to help one another move forward.
The stigma surrounding abortion cannot be overcome in a day, but a strong dialogue has begun. With opposition that is stronger than ever directly affecting politics, healthcare, and the lives of women, there has never been a better time to look closely at our messages and our language, and to collaborate with our allies in a grassroots movement toward change. It all starts with conversation.
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