It's great that you're standing up for your kids and real sex ed. Stay strong and best wishes!

Dear Tami, I'm SHOCKED at your ignorance of the HIGH ideal of abstinence-only education because, IF you truly love your daughter, you would NOT want her to be a failed-condom statistic, as MANY youth buy the "protection LIE" along with the "making LOVE" liberal LIE! Since the beginning of civilization, the MOST PERFECT boundary for the rearing of children has been in the "protective" surrounding of a committed mother and father-ideally the biological 2 that contributed the sperm and egg. We have MUCH data to support the benefits of mutual monogamous MARRAIGE-- defined by EVERY major religion as the sacred union of 1 man and 1 woman. That perfect union--designed by our Intelligent Designer made 2 perfectly complementary reproductive systems--AMAZINGLY designed to produce eggs and sperms, along with NEW data on the hormonal bonding from chemicals like oxytocin in the woman, and vasopressin and testosterone in the male, that increase in that beautifully designed act--meant for 2 purposes-bonding AND procreation. The act of sodomy, MISusing a part of our amazing bodies NOT designed for procreation, but for elimination of waste-- fulfills neither ! It has only been in the last 40+ years with the LIBERAL LIE that one can engage in either heterosexual or homosexual sex without the commitment of MARRIAGE and that one would be engaging in "FREE LOVE"-since we abandoned that long-held "protective" boundary of mutually monogamous MARRIAGE, that we have seen such devastation--it has NOT been free,but has HARMED/KILLED millions, and it is NOT making LOVE-but engaging in hedonistic LUST! SADLY blacks are engaging in higher numbers than their peers--THUS more devastation--PLEASE read and have the courage to respond to the following letter sent to the first black Christian President--I do NOT think he is brilliant enough to understand that funding the comprehensive-sex-ed-"here's your condom-we know you cannot control your sexual urges" makes him and others that support that hedonism complicit in ALL of the negative devastation detailed in the letter --Tami-I hope you ahve the courage to respond: Dear President Obama, I feel compelled to write and share some VITAL information with you, I have personally been gathering research for the last 10 years on the benefits of directing youth to the healthy, responsible moral directive of abstinence education, particularly highlighting the great reductions in many social ills, directly linked to youth choosing to engage in hetero/homosexual sexual activity outside of the 4000+ year-old “protective” boundary of MARRIAGE! I hope you will take some time to review the data, as there is GREAT news on the reduction of teen sexual activity and other social ills like STD’s and fatherless households, since we began funding this healthy responsible directive in 1996-the decreases in sexual activity for black youth are especially hopeful! We are now seeing the dramatic results, (summary enclosed), and I also am hoping that you will promote policies in schools, direct and faith-based organizations to join the abstinence advocates in this country who want EVERY American child to have access to this healthy, responsible directive, so that we continue to see dramatic reductions in all of these social ills. I am sending you MUCH of the research -most from our own CDC and the U.S. Census Bureau, and an abstinence educator for the last 10 years, and was honored to write a chapter in a social ethics text (summary article enclosed) which details the HIGH disparities in social ills, particularly devastating blacks and other minorities, including rates of poverty, rates of STD’s, abortion rates, as well as the devastation to youth in fatherless homes-with increased rates of criminal behavior, drug and alcohol abuse, school drop out rates, and increasing pre-term labor and infant mortality rates as well as many other devastating statistics like emotional rates of depression and suicide rates. I hope you agree that directing ALL American youth to the HIGH expectation of abstinence education is the social IDEAL that would greatly reduce all of these ills --we have been teaching ALL youth to abstain from drugs, alcohol, and smoking, but especially it is time NOW to direct ALL American youth to abstain from sexual activity as there are many more negative consequences related to that ONE behavioral choice! PLEASE read the information carefully, and I would be honored to discuss in detail how abstinence directives should be a HIGH priority for ALL concerned about these ills. Although we have numbers for white and Hispanic youth, which are also very troubling, the sad numbers reflect that black youth are particularly negatively affected. Blacks account for 12-13% of the U.S. population--yet they have higher numbers as a percentage of their race in all of the following social ills: POVERTY-The #1 group trapped in poverty are single female -headed households--NO marriage--sadly, blacks have a 70% out--of-wedlock birth rate--so more will be trapped in poverty. Choosing to engage in sex before marriage is the contributing factor! Time Magazine recently had the statistic that we spend $500 billion on poverty-related programs. STD's --Blacks have higher numbers of ALL STD's -not just HIV/AIDS--which in some areas they account for 50% of the new cases--but also for Herpes, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea..and others,.-we know that STD’s are directly related to sexual choices-very few to rape/incest! One estimate noted that we spend $20 billion on screening/treatment. CRIME--We know that black youth engage in higher rates of criminal behavior and on more black victims--we also know that 70% of the men in prison came from homes with NO fathers--NO marriage--thus NO positive role model--people making sexual choices, but then abandon their responsibility! How does one begin to factor the costs of an unproductive life spent behind bars? ABORTION--We know that since 1973-Roe v. Wade that 45 million unborn babies have been KILLED in legal abortion--BUT 1/3rd of those-15 million-- were black and Planned Parenthood-et.al. sets up more inner city abortion clinics targeting blacks-Black Americans for Life calls it genocide-! Statistics show that 85% of abortions are choices made by unmarried women. If any of you claim that abortion should remain legal--PLEASE go to www.abortionno.org and view the IMMORAL reality--how can any sane person support this atrocity? My research from the CDC states that black youth engage in sex at younger ages and with more partners than their white and Hispanic peers--so we will see more of ALL of these devastating numbers! Now for the solution--conservatives have funded and want to expand abstinence until MARRIAGE funding so that ALL youth will understand the consequences of that behavior -teach them how to exercise self-control to avoid STD's, and so that they will not end up in poverty as a single mom or have to choose to KILL her baby in abortion. Also, we would like to teach young men that if they engage in these sexual choices, they have an obligation to commit to the mom in MARRIAGE-that it is healthy for the child to grow up with a father and a mother as we have much data on the increased rates of criminal behaviors, school drop out rates, drug and alcohol abuse from youth growing up fatherless. I have a tape of some politicians from C-Span who say it is "unrealistic" to teach some youth abstinence--isn't that soft bigotry of LOW expectation--that blacks cannot be taught self-control like their white peers? I believe that it is our obligation to teach them the HIGH standard of abstinence, and we have studies which state black youth do abstain after this healthy, responsible, moral directive of abstinence education-! So--I hope we will begin to challenge those who say they want less poverty, less crime, less STD's, less abortion -to join with conservatives and demand abstinence education for ALL youth--so that we can greatly reduce these sad statistics-especially for blacks! I also want to include the devastation from emotional effects of pre-marital sex like increased rates of depression and suicide, loss of self-esteem and many other emotional negative effects that we spend millions on counseling! Two MUST-READ book for EVERY parent/educator that detail the emotional HARM are "UNPROTECTED" by Dr. Miriam Grossman and "Hooked" by Dr. Joe McIlhaney--Tami-PLEASE get these books before you continue the false information about the healhty directive of abstinence! ***I am personally volunteering to come anywhere in the U.S. to show you a summary of the 2 hour presentation that we give to our students, and I know that you will agree that ALL American youth are entitled to this HEALTHY, RESPONSBLE, MORAL directive, instead of the irresponsible, unhealthy, 30 year-old failed liberal policy which has HARMED so many! I PRAY that you will consider looking at the UNBELIEVABLE individual and societal costs discussed, and join those who want to make a priority to fund the healthy directive that could greatly reduce all of the aforementioned social ills. GOD BLESS-US-EVERYONE! Ret. Major Laura Merriott a PROUD abstinence educator 814 835-0249 5235 Wolf Rd. Erie, Pa. 16505 SO-Tami--do you want this devastation for your precious daughter--PLEASE send a response--and I will send you a FREE book to detail the data!

One thing I feel a bit confused about is the tension between "real sex ed" and abstinence. I agree that it isn't the school's responsibility to moralize about sex, and I don't oppose teaching young people about how to protect themselves, but the message of "stay abstinent, avoid pregnancy, STIs, and emotional complications," is, I think, a valid and good one. Planned Parenthood takes that stance on abstinence when discussing it as a birth control method.

I also worry that our society too often expects unmarried people to engage in sex, which, in my view, actually violates the idea that people's bodies belong only to them. I feel that the general culture sends the message that people who do not have sex until marriage or at least a committed, long term relationship, are afraid of their bodies. I do not think that is true at all.

I do think that fear of one's body comes into the mix when we do not use the correct biological language to describe sex and sex organs, when we do not use this language to educate our children about what sex and puberty are.

"Well behaved women seldom make history."-Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Since the beginning of western civilization polygamy was the standard. Girls could be forced to breed until they died and those who dared defy their fathers or husbands could be brutally murdered, just as it was the norm for gay men to be murdered. Marriage between one man and one woman was only for the very poor. If the poor happened to be slaves they were forced to have sex and breed at their masters bidding. If we really love our daughters and gay sons we will not romanticize the past. We will recognize it for what it was: a harsh time for many young women and gay men. And if we love all of our children we will move forward by recognizing that sex does not fit into a one size fits all standard and dispense with the junk science that is used to justify abstinence only sex education.

Bravo to this mom for being so involved and willing to engage on the topic of sex, both with the school system and her daughter! I wish more parents were as open about the subject. Our program goes into high schools to discuss the realities of sexual assault and to provide information on how to find and receive care should it happen to a young person or one of their friends. We pair this with discussions about community response, prevention, and more depending on the length of the classroom time. I, as one of the speakers for FP, was recently in a conversation with a health teacher who showed me that the sex ed portion of her curriculum requires a 1-month lead time to send out notices to parents and the parents can choose to waive this portion of the student's education. It's unfortunate that these kids whose parents waive them out of the class will miss out on what is likely to be the only real discussion on sex ed that they'll receive.

Curtis also had some wonderful points to share.

Teens are in the middle of their most vulnerable time in their lives in terms of being at risk for sexual assault. Studies have shown that from middle school to University ages is the highest risk period. In many of the presentations that we do (in the past year nearly 2,000 kids have heard our program) we often are approached afterward by students who either have had a friend be raped, or they themselves were a victim. Usually the classes we're in front of are 15-18 years old so many of these kids are getting impacted starting at 10-12 years of age. Many of them are struggling with the impact of what's happened and some are still in precarious situations due to the continued access of their assailant. We know that 90-95% of all sexual assault is committed by those known to us, and not by strangers.

A well rounded sex ed program in a health class curriculum would, in an ideal world, include all of these elements so that kids have a clear view of what really lies ahead for them. Morals should be taught by parents but general information is more helpful to students than none at all or abstinence only messages.

Tami: For years people have said "If you don't want an abortion, don't have one" Why doesn't the same logic apply here? If you don't want your daughter participating in the program don't give your consent. Ask what else they offer for the same amount of extra credit. If it's nothing then you can make a good argument for them to offer something. Of course every parent should be able to decide what messages their child is receiving about sex ed in school. The problem is when someone, you me or anyone else wants to make decisions about what children who are not yours will learn. Please remember every parent who does consent to this program has access to the same information you found so alarming. They've made their informed decisions just as you have. Aren't you glad that you can opt out of this? Perhaps now you'll have a little sympathy for other parents who share your concern for propaganda in the classroom, even if they don't share your politics.

While I applaud your fight against abstinence-only sex ed in your daughter's school, I'm impressed you received a consent form so you could opt out of this program. We weren't so lucky. We got nothing from our childrens' school district prior to the mandatory abstinence-only assembly in which they were told condoms don't work and were discouraged from getting the HPV vaccine.

Good luck to you!

Bravo, Tami! I'm glad to see someone else standing up against the abstinence-only sex ed programs that are full of misinformation about contraception and are more often than not heavily influenced by conservative Christian ideals.

I was lucky enough to be in a county that taught comprehensive sex ed. Not just abstinence, but also contraception, STDs, and reproductive health were taught. I'm all for this kind of teaching, because even if you plan to stay a virgin until you marry, you're still going to need to know about birth control and reproductive health AFTER you marry! (Unless of course you're like the Duggars and believe that God will decide for you when and how many children you have!) Knowledge not just for now, but also for the future, is power! If I hadn't had this class, I wouldn't have known that the birth control pill is also useful for controlling symptoms of dysmenorrhea (which I suffered from for 8 1/2 years until I turned 18 and demanded to be put on it) as well as for contraception. Also, knowledge about contraception and real STD risk can cause teenagers to actually DELAY having sex for the first time instead of jumping in all starry-eyed with delusions of "this means real love" dancing in their heads, only to realize the guy was only out for a lay when it's too late!

If you don't want your kids taking a comprehensive sex ed class, then for crying out loud, OPT OUT if you have that option! Don't deny the rest of us the opportunity to help our children learn more about their bodies and how to have control over their lives! Not everyone has parents that are willing to talk to their kids about sex and contraception, or has parents that know that much themselves about such things as modern contraception and STDs. I, on the other hand, would not let my daughters take a sex ed class that focuses ONLY on abstinence, because more often than not, it's based on religion and scientifically inaccurate information anyway! And statistics have proven that this kind of sex ed class doesn't work anyway when it comes to preventing pregnancy or STDs anyway-if anything, it's INCREASED the rates for both! That is what I find truly scary!

There's just something so amusing about Christian extremists in the United States inasmuch as they desire to keep others just as ignorant and superstitious as they are.

When it comes to education about reproduction, human physiology, and basic, core biology, the religious among us are the abject dumbest -- whether they be Islamic, Christianic, Judistic, or anything else, it seems that the religious glory in abject ignorance.

Contrast that against men and women who actually seek knowledge, about themselves and the universe around them. The parents who take a hand in their children's educations and ensure that legitimate education is utilized while cult agenda extremists are uncovered bring up their children far, far better than cultist extremists do.

Look at the Bush twins. In fact look at any Christanic extremist family. Then compare them against families that educate their children in science, art, literature, biology, et al.

The differences are stark. Educated children have far, far less unwanted pregnancies than the children of religious extremists. Educated children have far, far fewer abortions than the children of religious extremists. Teach children how to think anbd even more importantly, _why_ to think, and they live healthy lives filled with discovery and wonder.

Parents who love their children and want the best for them teach their children about sexual behavior. Parents who religate their children as pawns to clergy to keep their children ignorant slaves to occult superstition handing their money to clerics refuse to teach their children about sex -- or about the real world.

The truth is that educated kids are far better off than the stupid brats created by cultist extremists.

"The core of the program is to scare the kids into believing that if they have sex before marriage, not only is it not going to be very satisfying but they will also either end up with an unplanned pregnancy, a STI, or have their heart broken and suffer emotional damage."

I can honestly say that, personally, most sexual experiences that i have had prior to marriage have involved either disappointment, broken hearts and fears of the other items. But that's life, you need these experiences to become stronger emotionally and less ignorant of modern life. To hide away from such situations is incredibly narrow minded. Why do such religious groups always create rules and discipline at the expense of using your own mind? Because if you do, you'll quickly realise these people giving this advice have no real-world experience whatsoever.

"The core of the program is to scare the kids into believing that if they have sex before marriage, not only is it not going to be very satisfying but they will also either end up with an unplanned pregnancy, a STI, or have their heart broken and suffer emotional damage."
It's really awful, and I absolutely understand you and share your worry. I'm assured that all parents want their children to receive age-appropriate,comprehensive sex education at school. And "age-appropriate"- is the clue moment here. When shall we start teaching the children how to put on a condom? Some may say -in elementary school, other- in middle school...So, it's up to us....parents...