This week about 300 community intervention workers, academics, military officials and state and local government officials gathered to discuss sexual assault and abuse at a Washington, D.C., conference. All too often, this is a conversation that happens among women who work in shelters and who are survivors of sexual violence themselves. But Men Can Stop Rape, a group that works with inner city boys and young men to talk about how violence against women is the responsibility of men, hosted the conference, and about 35 to 40 percent of the conference attendees were men. 

"The culture of masculinity is pretty rigid. In order to be a man you have to fit inside of a certain box," said Byron Hurt, the producer and director of documentaries that explore the paradigm of black male masculinity like Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes. "The average guy is not invested in these issues." 

Hurt is one of the few men willing to step forward as an advocate against sexual and dating violence. Often, he'll do workshops at colleges or universities where he'll be in a room full of young African-American men and ask them how many have been victims of police harassment or brutality; nearly every one will raise their hand. He'll then ask if the men felt what they were wearing invited harassment. Not a single young man will raise his hand. This is the analogy he uses to talk about how women  aren't inviting or deserving of sexual violence or abuse. "These women didn't invite what happened just because of what they were wearing," Hurt said. "Intersections of race and class are really important for men of color." 

The work that Hurt and groups like Men Can Stop Rape do is important because, as Hurt said, "We don't see how the patriarchy hurts us...Young men and boys are thirsty to talk about masculinity." 

In an era where Vice-President Joe Biden was a leader on passing the Violence Against Women Act and has (so far unsuccessfully) pushed for the International Violence Against Women Act, the work of groups on sexual assault and abuse are getting more attention.  

"Actually the federal government is leading the way in many ways. We don't say that very often, but we're seeing more initiatives and demonstration projects coming out of the federal system," said Men Can Stop Rape president and CEO Stephen Glaude. From the Department of Health and Human Services beginning to rethink how to include men in their women's health programs to the Department of Justice offering their first-ever education grant for men, the federal government is starting to rethink how they approach sexual assault and relationship violence. 

Men Can Stop Rape has recently partnered with the Department of Defense on an ad and public information campaign that encourages all members of the military to work together to prevent sexual assault with the tag, "Preventing sexual assault is part of our duty." One of the challenges to tackling sexual assault is to change the whole culture of gender relations in the military. That's a tall order. 

Glaude said he was surprised by the dedication from some people within DoD. "When we started working with the Department of Defense, we weren't certain there was sincerity awaiting us," Glaude said. "What I'm really enthusiastic about is that we found a wonderful infrastructure of personnel, in not only the Department of Defense, but in each of the branches that deeply cares about this issue." The second day of the conference included briefings with HHS, the DoJ, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 

Another topic that received a lot of attention was marital rape. Jaclyn Campbell, a professor at the Johns Hopkins University School of Nursing, noted that marital rape laws weren't passed in the United States until the 1970s and today, less than one percent of the reported marital rapes result in any jail time for the perpetrator. In some states, like Campbell's home state of Maryland, marital rapes can only be prosecuted if the couple has been formally separated or they have already filed for divorce at the time of the rape. 

Campbell related a story of one woman she encountered early in her career, who said that 11 years earlier in her marriage her husband threatened her with a shotgun when she refused to have sex. The woman told Campbell, "I don't know if you'd call that forced sex or not." Campbell's astonishment signified how ill-equipped we are to deal with intimate relationship violence. 

Much of our rape prevention focuses on stranger rape, but not on the way men and women interact in relationships. When the assault happens during an ongoing relationship, or if it were sex that was initially consensual but turns violent or painful during the act, such as forced anal sex. "You'd have trouble in court with that one," Campbell said. 

Some new programs will train young boys, from fifth to eighth grade, but most are voluntary after school programs and others aren't implemented until high school. "And I think that's too late," Campbell said. 

How we talk about sexual assault and sexual abuse is connected to how we perceive masculinity in our culture. That is a much harder thing to change, and it's why community programs and the work of those like Byron Hurt is so important.  Still, the fight against sexual assault has a long way to go. While official numbers show the reported number of sexual assaults going down, a large number of sexual assaults still go unreported. Changes to culture and masculinity won't just happen overnight. It will take committed work and partnerships to bring an end to end violence against women and those in abusive same-sex relationships. "I think we've reached a point where the work can only go forward if men and women work together," Glaude said.