Please know that I recognize the need for privacy during a time of tragedy and attempted healing. But I ask that you consider how this might be a teaching moment that recognizes the sacredness of women and girls' lives. 

Like Rihanna, one out every three American women has been beaten, sexually coerced or otherwise abused in her lifetime. The lives of African American women are even more diminished by violence. Intimate partner violence is the leading cause of death for African-American women ages 15 to 45.  That means more African American girls and women are dying because of violence than car accidents or cancer. 

What is the value of a woman or girl's life? 

This is a moment when you can affirm the value of women and girls' lives. You can publicly criticize the bloggers who were so quick to blog that "it is her fault," "she had it coming," "if women didn't shake their asses to misogynistic lyrics." Make it clear that Rihanna was the victim, and not the cause, of the violence done to her. Both of you must state that when violence does happen against a women or girl, there must be accountability, that we cannot continue the culture of impunity when women and girls are hurt. Chris, you can demonstrate that accountability through prison time and intensive counseling. 

Of course, I am sure that there are many reasons why you might shun my request. Too often America has played out its entrenched dynamics of sexual and physical violence against women through the African-American experience. Before you, it was Kobe Bryant, Mike Tyson and O.J. Simpson. But you have a chance to expand our public square discussions on violence to point out that violence against women and girls cannot be circumscribed to the world of hip-hop or urban communities or to the margins of Black or Brown communities. 

The narrative of physical and sexual violence against women and girls cuts across the buffers of economic or educational privilege, and breeches every divide of race, class and ethnicity in America. It is a story whispered in the corners of mansions in affluent neighborhoods, in the best private schools and universities, behind the walls of women prisons and girl detention centers, and on the street corners where girls are sexually exploited and trafficked. You can speak to how violence against women and girls is part of the American narrative--that the story of gendered violence done to women and girls is a painfully American tale. 

Please do not choose silence instead. Your voices in authentic denunciation of gendered violence matter at this critical time. Rihanna, tell young girls who think that violence is an inevitable part of any intimate relationship, that the occurrence of violence in your relationship was harmful and will never be repeated because violence against women and girls is never appropriate. Seek counseling and healing, remember your sacredness, and publicly reach out to other women and girls victimized by violence. Chris, join in the movement to end the crushing levels of violence hurting so many American women and girls--and do this not from place of professional self-interest or PR strategy, but because you want to break the cycle of violence that has played out in your own family. Ask other men to join you. 

If you both do this, you will honor those who have been hurt or cut down by violence (including yourselves), and you will bring us closer to remaking a safer and more just nation for women and girls.