So, have you heard the one about the girl who got the abortion and ... it was, well ... kind of funny? Probably not. Laughter and humor are a part of so many life experiences, including some of the most intense and challenging ones. Yet when it comes to abortion, humor can seem almost entirely taboo. 

On the most basic level, humor is anything that is intended to make us laugh, including parody, irony, satire, exaggeration, practical jokes, and, my personal favorite, Freudian slips. Humor can affect our perception of things and can relieve stress. Humor can also create bonds between people who never realized they had much in common. Humor can protect us from our own emotions when they are too strong, and it can help us to feel our emotions when we are cut off from them. However, humor can also be used to create instability and insecurity in others. It can be used to preserve stereotypes. It can be wielded as a sword, cutting others while protecting you.  

To explore the issue of abortion and humor, Our Truths-Nuestras Verdades went to the best source: people with personal experiences with abortion. Forty-eight women and men responded to an online survey that asked them to reflect on their own experiences with abortion and humor, and to discuss how others' use of humor about abortion affects them. 

Finding Humor in the Strangest Situations

Some of the women who answered the survey said they had used humor to feel better or to cope with their feelings, both during their abortion experiences and afterward. For example, two women encountered funny characters during their abortion experience who made them laugh and lighten up: 

"The funniest thing I can remember is that the doc was wearing Groucho Marx glasses, nose, mustache - the whole bit. He was hilarious." 

"As I sat with my feet in the stirrups after waiting for hours to even get into the procedure room, a nurse came in and said, ‘Your socks match your eyes.' Laughter and humor helps me feel better about everything." 

Another woman saw something that wasn't funny - until later: 

"Some may not find this funny, but some people joke about using a clothes hanger to perform an abortion. Well, while I was in the clinic, one of the girl's boyfriends locked his keys in his car and a nurse went by with a clothes hanger to help him unlock his car. It scared me at the time, but it's kinda funny now." 

Two women told stories of their partners' reactions, which, the women say, were ridiculous: 

"Dude wanted a receipt. I sent him a copy, with my name whited-out, and addressed to Mr. HisLastName. He was living with his conservative father." 

"I had to laugh when my boyfriend admitted he had been irresponsible by urging me to have unprotected sex, but then said something along the lines of, ‘Man, I didn't really think I could get anyone pregnant because I've done so many drugs.'" 

Several women said humor helped ease the tension of the experience and gave them confidence. 

"We kept referring to it as our ‘after-school special experience' because it felt like one of those bad after-school specials. That made us laugh." 

These women were not only able to find humor in their abortion experiences and in the circumstances surrounding their unplanned pregnancies, but many felt that the ability to laugh in these situations actually helped them cope with other feelings, including fear, self-doubt, and shame.   

Yet, not all of our respondents found anything in their abortion experience to make them laugh. A few women said they longed for the relief that laughter might bring - but seemed unable to find it.  

"I wish there could have been something funny or humorous surrounding (my abortion), but I kind of fell apart." 

One woman felt that laughter and humor would have undermined the seriousness of the situation. 

"I don't think my mother found anything funny about fetal genetic disorders, or about having to face a panel of doctors to get permission to have an abortion. None of the women I've known who've terminated accidental pregnancies ever joked or laughed about it in my presence, either." 

Sharing and Over-Sharing

While some women had funny stories to tell about their abortion, telling other people about these experiences appears to be a tricky business. Many women felt overexposed after sharing their experience and felt that their disclosure had caused discomfort in others.   

"I think people found it funny but kinda made them nervous, too ... the whole stigma about abortion, like it was somehow inappropriate." 

For these women, sharing their story with certain groups exposed them the discomfort and negativity of others. 

"I've talked about it. The reaction is different depending on the audience. Some friends think it's kind of hilarious, others are mildly horrified." 

To find a balance between sharing and over-sharing, many women emphasized telling the "right group of people." 

"I probably talk too much about my abortion, anyway, for most people's comfort. I can't help it, since it led to an entire life and career change on my part (to become a sexuality educator). But whenever I insert anecdotes about my pregnancy in casual conversation, people become uncomfortable. I am lucky to have a cynical group of friends who hold the world in the proper perspective, and these women think it's all hilarious."

Abortion Humor and Hollywood: It Depends on Who's Telling the Joke 

Women in our survey were able to name television shows, movies, and comedy shows that had made jokes about abortion. However, many of the women were quick to point out that abortion is covered infrequently by the media and usually not very well.  

A few themes came up as women discussed abortion and humor in the media. First, the absence of a realistic portrayal of abortion in the comedy genre came up when women were discussing the recent films Juno and Knocked Up. 

"I think what we all think about right now are the recent movies Juno and Knocked Up, both of which dance around abortion and try to pretend as though they're joking; while simultaneously making clear that it's the morally repugnant choice for a heroine, the plotline is attempting to win your heart. I've never seen abortion related in the media in a way I've related to." 

"I feel that recent comedies about unplanned pregnancies treat the prospect of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting like it's the easy and always appropriate choice."  

A few woman said many comic writers who do address abortion - whether in a movie, TV show, stand-up routine, or magazine - tend to stereotype women who have abortions, making the women the punch line rather than the comic heroine. One woman suggested that Hollywood leave abortion humor to women actors and comics to avoid negative stereotyping. 

"I think it would almost have to be a woman making the joke. I think I've heard Chris Rock making jokes about it, and I mostly found them to be reinforcing negative stereotypes about women." 

Highlighting this point, two women discussed a Sarah Silverman skit that depicted her getting three abortions over three decades to the tune of Green Day's "Time of Your Life." These women found Sarah Silverman's spin on the abortion experience funny and refreshing. Perhaps one difference was that the woman was clearly in the driver's seat of the joke.

Future Directions for Humor and Healing 

In responding to this survey, women and men argued that abortion humor is personal on many levels. Abortion stories, even funny ones, involve personal experiences that they rarely share with others. Women felt that by telling their stories to others, they ran the risk of sharing with someone who wouldn't understand their experience or wouldn't share their sense of humor. Considering these concerns, it isn't surprising that women also mistrusted the media's portrayal of abortion.  

Yet, as I read these stories about abortion, what struck me is how authentically funny and heartwarming they are. I wonder: If women aren't able to tell their stories because they fear judgment or over-sharing, then who is left to tell their stories but the media? Are there other possibilities for abortion humor?  

The idea of using humor to cope with or heal from a difficult experience is not unique to abortion. In the context of illness, there are libraries of self-help books that promote the use of humor in coping with everything from cancer to bipolar disorder. Yet, women who seek to cope with or heal from abortion may encounter the same obstacles that other people experience when using humor to heal from disease. While some diseases, like breast cancer and multiple sclerosis, engender sympathy and understanding in most people, diseases like HIV/AIDS or certain mental illnesses may engender blame or revulsion. People with these stigmatized illnesses may have to work harder to find and sustain opportunities for shared humor.   

Women who have abortions can experience similar isolation and stigma. Women who want to use humor to heal from and cope with their experiences with unplanned pregnancy and abortion must find creative ways to organize and discuss their feelings and thoughts about abortion. Through online bulletin boards, magazines, blogs, or videos, women can find the nonjudgmental atmosphere they deserve, where they can comfortably share their experiences without worrying they might be "over-sharing."  

It's also time to urge the media to create a new representation of women who have had abortions. Following in the footsteps of other marginalized groups that have used comedy effectively to reduce stigma, prejudice, and discrimination, women writers need to explore abortion in their novels, screenplays, comedy routines, and blogs. Media that tells the abortion stories of women with the same warmth and humor demonstrated by women and men who filled out this survey may take us a long way toward reducing the stigma that women experience when they have abortions.

This post was first published in Exhale's magazine for women who have had abortions, Our Truths/Nuestras Verdades.