RH Reality Check
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Choosing to Matter

By Hana Kaijimura, International Women's Health Coalition

August 14, 2008 - 11:10am

Hana Kaijimura's picture

"I am more than HIV," Gracia Violeta Ross Quiroga attested, exuding confidence and passion to a session room overcrowded with delegates of every age, gender, and race.  

Gracia's message is universal: HIV/AIDS is more than just an epidemic and HIV-positive people are much more than victims of the disease. They have desires, hopes and dreams that transcend social and ethnic barriers: In Graca's case, it's the longing to become pregnant.    

However, HIV-positive people often stumble upon more obstacles on the path to their goals, and unfortunately, Gracia's story is no exception. If her child tests positive for HIV, Gracia could be condemned and criminalized for transmitting the virus. In deciding to become pregnant, Gracia's motives were very similar to those of many other women living with HIV. She needed something to revitalize life, someone to care for and someone who needed her back-she wanted a reason to fight.  

On the other hand, she couldn't help but feel selfish in her decision-making. What if her baby was infected? What if her child had to grow up without a mother? She was fully aware of the risks but could not suppress the desire for motherhood any longer, and Gracia's announcement that she was actively trying to get pregnant was met by an eruption of applause and for some, tears. 

Only the next day, handfuls of conference-goers trickled into a small auditorium room nearly an hour late to an afternoon session. Most had come to hear the last speaker, Gugulethu Kumalo, a 20-year-old woman from Zimbabwe. Gugu has been HIV positive and has known her status since she was orphaned by AIDS ten years ago. She has had to deal with the stigma and discrimination of AIDS all her life. Attending primary school, Gugu was often teased because of the sores on her face and felt alone because many of her classmates were afraid to go near her.  

She entered a program for people living with HIV that helped her find her inner strength and taught her "that I am beautiful and wonderfully made. That I am special." Since she had discovered her inner beauty, Gugu decided to become a beauty technician to uncover the outer beauty of women and girls. Like Violeta, Gugu could not deter her desire to be a mother, and became pregnant by a young man with whom she was in love. Upon discovering the pregnancy, her partner left. This time, Gugu was not alone. Three months ago, Gugu gave birth to a beautifully healthy baby. 

These two stories touched me like nothing else at the conference: hearing about genuine experiences from honest people has a much greater impact on me than pages of statistics presented in a PowerPoint presentation. While listening to both speakers, I couldn't help but think: "That could be me! What would I do? How would I cope?" 

Being a 16-year-old teenage girl growing up in America, I know I am very privileged and probably have a lot more choices in life than these two women. Where I live, AIDS is not a pressing issue. Teens as my school rarely give the risk of contracting HIV any weight in determining when to have sex.  But just because HIV is not as prevalent here doesn't mean that it isn't there.  

Hearing these two women made me realize that no matter who you are, where you come from, or what disease you have, women and girls hold a lot of the same desires. I want to grow up to get married and have healthy children that are free from the stigma of HIV/AIDS. I was reminded that we are all one human people, connected by threads of compassion and stories of hope. Now is our time to focus on the similarities that unite us rather than the differences that divide us. We must realize that we are the change and that Violeta and Gugu's children have now become our future. 

"What will matter is not your success, but your significance. What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught. What will matter is ever act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered, or encouraged others to emulate your example...Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance, but a matter of choice."  -William Josephson.  

It is clear that not only do these women refuse to succumb to the HIV/AIDS pandemic but it is evident that they have both chosen to matter.


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